summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
