Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
