I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Randomize
