ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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