I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So vagazzling was a success
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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