3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
