dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
