I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
