I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
