So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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