dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
