Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
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I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
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Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just want to make out with him forever
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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