No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
