i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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