I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
