She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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