You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
