my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
