The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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