So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
