I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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