Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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