I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Randomize
