She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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