Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
