My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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