I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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