This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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