there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
