so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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