Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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