Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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