It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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