next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
