they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
