do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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