Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
