Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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