It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
