Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
