its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
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