I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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