i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
