It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
