I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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