guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
