It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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