I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize