Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
