where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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