Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
