if you like me you must not know who I am
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
