She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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