He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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