Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
