my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
