i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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