I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
