dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
