Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
