how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
