But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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