this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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