i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
